"Get Dirty. Get fucking filthy. Get poor. Get off your ass. Get desperate. Get dangerous. Get vilified. Get vile. Get romantic. Get fucked. Get moving. Get productive. Get pro-active. Get started. Get your own life. Get doing something. Anything. Because before you know it you're 40 with kids, a mortgage, and responsibilities that cause your fun to come second. So before cancer, before children, before 50 hour work weeks, before back and knee problems, before school loans, before you lose your sense of humor...fight. Fight and love and run and smile. Smile because the older you get the less you will. So yes, 'quit being such a goddamn pussy.' because bitching and whining and worry never made anything better."

Yeah yeah it's vulgar I know and some of the concepts in there are a little wack but it gets it's point across, whether you take all it literally or not. For all you people feeling down and discouraged, get up and on it (I'm talking to myself here too).

Psalm 6:1-10. No matter how much in pain you are, or how down you are, don't worry about it so much. Pray about it. God got yo' back fosheezy.

is here once again! And as usual I have lots that I plan to do. So before I forget all of it, I'm going to make a to-do list. I'll edit this every once in a while and see how much I complete by the end of summer! Here goes:

[ x ] get bigger, stronger, faster
[ x ] practice instruments
[ ] record and sell HBOO debut CD
[ ] finish Eagle project
[ ] do merit badges
[ x ] go bowling
[ x ] have a water fight
[ x ] play some ping pong and pool
[ x ] go to Quickly's and the bridge
[ x ] watch perverted movies
[ x ] go backpacking
[ x ] write some songs
[ x ] sit and look at clouds
[ x ] take a nap in the sun
[ x ] go to the beach
[ ] sneak into hunter's point at night
[ x ] play some basketball
[ x ] go on a picnic
[ x ] go swimming
[ x ] make money and buy things (:
[ x ] get closer to God!
[ x ] hang out with graduated peng you
[ x ] catch up on some sleep
[ ] finish college apps (:
[ x ] lose some pimples
[ x ] decide on a hairstyle for senior pictures
[ x ] do some summah reading
[ x ] go rollerblading
[ ] go iceskating
[ x ] watch transformers 2 at midnight!
[ x ] go on a roadtrip
[ x ] explore cupertino backwoods (and camp)
[ ] sneak into monta vista pool at night
[ x ] sleepovers
[ x ] talk deep
[ x ] get a new wardrobe
[ x ] buy another bulletin board
[ x ] write more encouraging notes on my desk
[ x ] have a ramen party
[ x ] cook and eat dinner, breakfast and lunch
[ x ] build close friendships
[ x ] laugh a lot
[ x ] destress from junior year
[ x ] stay up all night playing video games
[ ] blog a lot
[ x ] eat a lot of barbeque
[ x ] take a lot of pictures
[ x ] take a risk
[ ] learn how to do eggbeater
[ x ] learn about cars
[ ] have watermelon seed spitting contests
[ x ] be carefree
[ x ] maybe study a little for SATs. maybe.
[ x ] get tan
[ x ] have Bible studies
[ x ] do devos
[ x ] enjoy life (: because a happy person is a beautiful person


THE END. Help me fulfill these yeah?

EDIT:

So summer is now long gone and over, and I accomplished quite a bit. It was good, long and full. I was so much happier back then.

Today I was thinking about how God is the same everywhere. Yeah, it's cliche, yeah, everyone knows that, but today I stopped (not for the first time) to think just how amazing that is. The God of missions trip who sat next to us, walked with us, cried with us, laughed with us, taught with us, ate with us, talked with us, held us, and listened to us, who was so vividly real to us, is the God who is with us everyday. The God of Snow Retreat who made worship so powerful, who made the messages so touching, who made the fellowship so real, who made the experience so profound, is the God who watches our everyday movements. The God of the Old Testament and the God of the New Testament who raised people from the dead, healed the blind and the lame, talked down the smart-alecks, walked on water, etc, etc, etc, died and resurrected is the same God who loves us so dearly in our relationship with Him.

I've messed up so much. I think I'm going to take this to heart.

What ho, I’m already a second semester Junior. Time really passes quickly; it seems like yesterday I was walking nervously into all of my classes.

The past two or three months for me have been filled with a number of trials. My trials pale in comparison to some that others are going through or have been through, but they are trials nonetheless. Throughout this time I’ve been sick, whether it be from stress or a sinus infection, leaving me with a constant headache (5 advils a day helped), fatigue and a runny-nose and all that. Wrestling season really started acting up, as there were dual meet every week and league finals began to come up. School started getting busy after winter break, and I found myself with tests and quizzes every week on top of homework. In sophomore year, homework used to take me 2 hours tops and an hour to study for tests. Nowadays it’s double, sometimes triple that time. On top of that I had relationship problems, which only further stretched my limit.

Beyond responsibilities, I found myself under pressure to do well. In wrestling I had to win. At school I had to work hard. In my social life I had to stay close with my friends. Everyday was a struggle between my own desires and what I knew I should do, like going to school and going to practice. Whenever I chose wrong sometimes and I felt good and whenever I chose right I suffered.

I was pretty confused. So I just put in my mind that I would suck it up and be a man until snow retreat (wrestling would be over by then) and just wear a smile on my face. So through those months my heart hardened, I developed a case of apathy, and my smile which didn’t always reach my eyes or seem in place, froze in position. Everyday was a struggle within to keep my head up and stay smiling and positive. I grew distant from my friends, especially close ones. I still found time to hang out every once in a while (or a lot as my mom thinks), but I never had deep conversations. I could never share my toils or pains or all the sufferings I was going through. I was happy and outgoing on the surface whereas I was deteriorating within. I drew within myself; my problems were the consistent so I didn’t want to repeatedly complain to my close friends. I mean what could they do? I didn’t want to depress the mood with my sob story or hear them say “oh that sucks,” and then move onto another subject. So I hid it all behind laughs and jokes. As a result they weren’t close anymore. I still had lots of friends and surrounded myself with them, but regardless, I still felt alone.

Now Snow Retreat was slowly beginning to creep upon us and I remember not being ready at all. Wrestling season was at its climax, teachers were anxiously giving as many tests as possible before break, and I was still alone. I didn’t have time to pray for it (like last year), but on the brighter side I wasn’t distracted. I only survived the past three months by depending on God, but even with God’s help my patience was at its limit. I needed a break.
When snow retreat finally did come about, it caught me by surprise. Wrestling league finals were the day before, and I had stayed up late finishing up encouragement card videos. I had planned on relaxing and not serving at all during that time, but last minute notifications put me on the worship team and also on the skit team. I went in disappointed. Not only did I know have responsibilities (I naturally stress when I have to perform), but also I was physically exhausted from school.

Yet despite all this, I was determined to get the most out of snow retreat. The theme was perfect. Broken and beautiful. I suffered and I needed to be healed by God. I took notes every message, I shared out of my comfort zone in small groups, and worshipped from my heart.

Spiritually, this snow retreat was better than anyone I’ve ever been on. Rather than a high, it was more of a healing. The feeling of God’s presence there was the same as the one back in Cupertino. The feeling was the same. The God of Snow Retreat is the God of Cupertino, the God of you and me, the God of this church, and the God of this world. It was comforting. Rather than experiencing more of God, I experienced God more clearly, I experienced him away from all the distractions of this world. And within that serenity God told me that once I got back, things would be harder than ever, that I couldn’t do anything but push through with our combined strength. However, emotionally and physically, it was the worst one. I was tired the whole time. Being tired ruins everything. Nothing seems as fun. Surprisingly, I was one the first to leave British Bulldog. I never do that. I felt separated. At times I wandered from group to group, feeling like I didn’t belong in any of them. I was uncomfortable. Half the time I was cold, the other half I was wet. Snowboarding in six feet of powder isn’t as fun as it sounds. Being able to see your breath in your cabin isn’t a good sign. Coughing because of that isn’t so great either. It sucked. I was broken there. It’s like God didn’t want to give me a break, rather He showed me how comforting it would be to go through snow retreat broken with Him and only Him. I didn’t have close friends around me; I was really alone and separated. Yet it was amazing. I felt at peace for the first time in a long time. I was crying and in pain and tired and sick, but at peace and relaxed for the first time in a long time. Snow Retreat didn’t give me a high. I came back the next day and the trials started. I dove right back in to the trials. I don’t know when they’ll end. I don’t think they’ll ever end. But Snow Retreat did remind me of God’s comforting presence and His everlasting strength, which will help us through anything. It still sucks. It’s still hard. But at least now I have hope and a foundation. I have a goal and purpose for my life. I commit my life to God. Doing this myself is just too hard. I’m a lazy guy, remember?

Snow Retreat is around the corner again, and despite pledging that I would not help out, I couldn't resist making a promotion video with a couple other people. Here it is:



Hope you enjoyed it! And I hope you'll be able to come to Snow Retreat 2009 also. I'll blog another time when I have time, I've been meaning to. Disneyland, Mexico, Christmas... haha until next time, I need to go read APUSH -___-

I hate this. I hate the hypocrisy, I hate the double lives, and I hate the two faces. I hate the distance from God, I hate the unbalance, and I hate the guilt and the never-quiet conscience. Yet even though I knew what was wrong, I couldn’t change it. Until now, I couldn’t break free of my own passions and desires. I’ve decided to make a commitment, to go back to normal. I’ve been straying away from God for far too long now. I think it’s time I start making my way back, back to that closeness with God. I’m going to start fresh. I know He's going to help me with this.